I knew when I first heard about the siege in Beslan that it couldn't possible end well. When I heard on the radio today that the school had exploded and that so many people had died I sat down on the bed and I just bawled. I felt sick to my stomach. It is always horrible when these things happen but when it involves children it's that much more terrible. I just can't imagine how those parents and family members must feel. I felt sad and angry. I felt angry at the Chechens and I felt angry at Putin. That man is so bloody stubborn. When the submarine went down, countries from around the globe offered their assistance. He refused it and all of the men trapped inside died. Now they went in unprepared and ill-equipped and they could have maybe prevented such carnage. I feel angry at the rebels for getting kids involved and being so ruthless. I feel angry at Putin for putting them in such a position that they felt they had no choice. Chechnens are dying and nobody is listening. Children are being murdered by Russian soldiers and by pro-Moscow militants and no media is covering it. They can't. They aren't allowed in. I get angry at the way the world's leaders are so insistent that they not give in to terrorism that they fail to see they are taking on the role of terrorist. I feel hopelessness in the face of testosterone driven policy headed by no other than George W. Bush. Maybe it isn't about winning and losing and maybe terrorism is too narrow a word. Maybe the leaders need to sit down with the mothers of the children in Beslan and ask them if they think the 15,800 sq km of disputed land are worth their children's lives.