Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Lost and Found...and Lost again.

I haven't written for awhile...not because I haven't had anything to write about but because it's been too hard to write about. I'm not going to get into the details but basically this is what happened:

1. Found out I was pregnant. Cried because my life was over. "What about all our plans to be a yuppie city couple who go for downtown drinks on Friday nights?"
2. Wrapped our heads around the idea that we were going to be parents.
3. Started to get really excited. Saw ourselves differently and started to plan. I adapted to the idea of being a yuppie mother who does downtown prenatal yoga on Friday afternoons.
4. Had a miscarriage.
5. Went for an ultrasound and was told "No! Everything is still there...you didn't miscarry." They showed me the image of a perfect little mini-baby...it all felt real for the first time.
6. My newly adapted mommy heart lept for joy.
7. "There is no heartbeat." My leaping heart stopped leaping and just started to flutter out of confusion. It finally settled on numb.

So that's that. An emotional rollercoaster of a week if I've ever had one. And I thought the time time the nurse said "metastastic cells" when she meant "metaplastic cells" was bad.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry. I wish I had your phone number. That's all i'm going to write on here, but i'll talk to you very soon.

hang in there.