Mi Casa es Donde?

The subject of where we should live is a popular one in our house. At least once a week one of us will launch into a verbal daydream of life in Vancouver, Sydney, California, France etc. and the other one will enthusiastically join in. That is the problem I suppose with having done a lot of traveling - it makes you realize that you could live anywhere. We have both always made a point of not living our lives by default. A lot of people just sort of end up where they are and we don't want that to happen to us. We want it to be a choice - the result of a lot of thought and consideration. Having said that, there are sometimes so many factors to consider that it becomes overwhelming.

We chose Calgary initially because we thought it would be nice to be near our families again after living away for so long. From that perspective Calgary has been wonderful and now that we have a child it is even more important. Having said that, Calgary falls short in almost every other category we consider important. It's not hot enough, it lacks culture and diversity and a certain warmth. The politics drive us crazy and we will never really get the chance to know what it feels like to vote for a winning party. The city council is short-sighted. There is no decent recycling program and our economy is based on oil&gas which has obvious environmental complications. The best things about Calgary are proximity to the mountains, the fact that we can get out of the city really quickly and the friends and family we have here. All of them important things to consider.

The place we envision is warm, full of fresh food markets, arts districts, vital cultural communities, forward thinking urban planners and government, and alive. The problem is that Brian's chosen field limits us somewhat and so does our desire to stay close to family. If we won the lottery tomorrow we would move to New York city - we both love it there so much and although we know it isn't warm it so easily meets all the other criteria that we are willing to overlook that. But New York is not where our family is and it wouldn't take long for us to miss them and our weekly trips to the mountains. Brian wants to move to France but that's pretty far away and France has its own host of issues. We've also considered Vancouver and Montreal but always end up putting off the decision for another day.

It's so hard to know where to live and I wish you could go somewhere for 6 months at a time and try it on for size. I also wish you could pack up your loved ones and bring them along for the ride.

To Paisley: Thirteen Months Old

When I first started writing monthly newsletters I wasn't sure how long I would keep it up. After thinking about it long and hard I have decided to keep going for as long as I enjoy it and have something to say. The first year of your life was full of wonder and change and I have no reason to think that will change for your second, third or fourth year of life. When you are old enough to say "Mom, seriously, this is embarrassing" then I will stop. Maybe.

I don't know if a switch was turned on this month or if it was something you ate in Mexico but you are like a different kid these days. Demanding, whiny, insistent and as sweet as ever. I think you feel frustrated more these days. You are old enough now to know what you want but are not always able to communicate it. When you do communicate but Mama doesn't obey, you get pissed. You want to walk and are so close but you still aren't there yet. You want to feed yourself and dress yourself but can't seem to manage to get the spoon in the mouth or the arms in the holes. That has got to be hard. I have seen the determined streak in you from the time you were a newborn and I know it is in your nature to be strong willed because it is in mine too. I'm okay with that and I let you do what you want for the most part but I draw the line at pulling all the knives out of the dishwasher. You have to be fourteen months to do that.


A large part of this month was spent in Mexico. You and I flew out together (thank you for being a dream baby), your Dad joined us a few days later and then we all flew home together last week (you were a demon baby on the way back - which just proves my point about the switch.) We had such a wonderful time Paisley and you loved every minute of it. You swam in the pool every day with your Grandma and Grandpa, ate guacamole until it was coming out of your ears, played in ate the sand and met every person in Bucerias. The Mexican women would stop us in the street and you would smile and babble away to them. You learned to wave while we were in Mexico and charmed Alberto, the man who worked at our villa, so much that he brought you all sorts of Mexican candy. I am sad to report that you didn't get to eat the candy - but you did your 7th tooth so consider yourself lucky. Every time we took you anywhere in the stroller you would sing your lungs out the entire trip. It was so cute and funny and you managed to garner a lot of attention. Your Dad and I took you for your first swim ion the ocean and we were surprised by how much you liked it. We thought you might be afraid of the waves but you loved them and you would squeal each time they roared past (and your over protective parents lifted you out of the water in fear you would be swept out to sea). The trip was a great break for everyone - it allowed you to get away from the monotony of car seats, boots, jackets and boring Mom all day long, it allowed your Dad and I some time alone together which we really needed and it gave my parents the opportunity to spend a lot of time with you. I loved watching them with you - you give them so much joy and you are very, very loved.




You are so close to walking and I expect that by the next post you will be. You practiced a lot on the beach where falling was safe and even fun, and now that you've figure out it is possible you want to stand up and explore all the time. You also like to chew on nail files which gives me the heebie jeebies.


Love,
Mama

Vancouver...and assorted ramblings

Vancouver, as always, was wonderful. We ate every type of Asian food you can think of (best Korean food since Korea), walked until our bodies ached and managed to squeeze in the art gallery, the aquarium, Granville Island, Stanley Park and Robson Street into a handful of days. Not too shabby. We stayed with my Aunt and Uncle (who are two of the most relaxed, fun and wonderful people in the world) at their B&B. It's pretty neat to be able to fly to Vancouver and stay with great people in a beautiful place and put it all on the "family" tab.

While walking the many streets we walked this weekend, Brian and I got to talking about living in Vancouver. I'm pretty finished with Calgary, I have to be honest but I've been leaning towards Victoria as opposed to Vancouver. I love Vancouver - but I don't like the rain or the crazy house prices. Having said that, I was able to get my head around it this past weekend and it seemed like a more viable option that it has in the past. It wouldn't be for awhile either way but it's good to have plans in the back of your mind.

We told my Aunt and Uncle about baby and they were pretty excited. It's fun that our families are so into this because it makes it so much bigger than just us. Sure, we're going to be parents but my brothers will be first time Uncles, my parents first time Grandparents and this is the first baby of this generation in my whole extended family. It's pretty neat.

World Premiere

We went to see Brian's celluloid debut this past weekend and although it was thrilling to know I might see his face splashed up next to Christian Bale's at any moment, it was a bit of a disappointment. If you're not familiar with Verner Herzog's work then it might be difficult to explain my reservations about the final product, but if you are? 'Nuff said. He's not my favourite writer or director and although I think he has great cinematic vision, he is still, at the end of the day, German in his approach to humour and dialogue. Brian had told me in Thailand when he came home from the set that the dialogue was poor but we had hoped that with a little bit of "hollywoodizing" it would come off better than what he had witnessed on set. It didn't. The story itself was Herzog's pet project and so the film was fairly low budget to begin with. The acting was good but like any Herzog film I've ever seen (with Grizzly Man being the best/worst example) this film was always just a little bit off. The character development was inconsistent and incomplete and I didn't understand the motivations of the main characters let alone the minor ones and I left feeling extremely frustrated that many of their stories were left untold. For all I know they could still be living in the jungle.

Brian didn't really make the cut although you could make him out if you knew where to look. And I saw the back of his head loom large at one point.

I'm glad I went though and at the end of the day I can't lose sight that the reason we did was to see Bri's movie and to remember what a kick it was for him to be in Thailand on the set of a Hollywood movie, no matter how weird it turned out.

Travel Alberta

We're back from our mini-vacation in Southern Alberta. When Brian and I first decided to stay close to home for this years' holiday I was a little bit disappointed that we wouldn't be going somewhere new and exciting. I have to say though that I had a fantastic time. We relaxed, ate good food, talked a lot, laughed a lot, slept a lot and had wonderful weather. We camped in Waterton, fished, saw lots of wildlife and I got a chance to pursue the greatest of all summer activities - skinny dipping in a mountain lake. Pure bliss.

It was nice to have no real schedule and no place we had to be. It was just Brian and I and whatever we chose to do. I needed the break and the time with my hubby and I got both.

Parasailing...

I realize it's a bit on the long side...didn't know how to edit it down.

!Hola! Amigos...

We're back from Mexico! I can't even begin to describe what a great time we had in Puerto Vallarta. The weather was hot (28-30 degrees) and sunny everyday and our resort was perfection. We laid by the pool, drank pina coladas, swam and relaxed every day. I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed and chilled. The food was great and there was something really calming about being able to wake up, eat, nap and go to bed whenever you felt like it. No alarm clocks or rules. The old Caroline emerged from her cocoon of urban stress and I don't know who appreciated it more, me or Brian. :-)

We managed to strike a good balance between doing things and well, not doing anything. We walked around the old town and went on a pub crawl one night. I danced my little tooshie off at all the big clubs in PV - it was a blast. We went para-sailing which was incredible. It was a bit scary at first but as soon as you're up high and looking out over the water it was peaceful, calm and beautiful. My only wish is that we could have done it together. Brian went sea kayaking, we went boogie boarding and we met some really cool people.

On Friday night we celebrated our 2nd anniversary. Some days I can't believe how quickly the time has gone and at the same time I can't really remember a time before Brian. It feels like he has always been there. We walked along the ocean from our resort into town and we held hands and talked about life, relationships and our future. We ate dinner at a small little restaurant overlooking the malecon (basically the boardwalk) and the ocean and drank wine as we listened to the Mexican band in the background. The people were nice and I couldn't have asked for a more romantic, special place to spend our anniversary. I loved having Brian all to myself and being able to spend so much time with him...it was perfect.

We fell in love with Mexico and with the Mexican people. Every one of them was nicer than the next. I liked the pace, loved the food and felt safe and welcome every where we went. More importantly, and this isn't something I ever thought was really possible, I fell even more in love with Brian.

Mental Meanderings

I can feel myself changing these days. My attitudes about the world and my place in it are morphing into a more mature and maybe more realistic version of their former selves. I always used to imagine myself at the helm of a family of globetrotters. International schools and summer safaris, kids learning their way through the world while really living in it. Christmas cards sent from a different continent every year.

In recent months I have started to see the benefits of staying put. I have started to realize that having good friends who you never see isn't so great. That it's hard to build and deepen relationships from afar and that there is something very powerful about being a part of your community. Having roots, and childhood friends. Bumping into people when you go shopping, having family nearby and developing friendships that go through ups and downs instead of time zones.

This new way of looking at the world might not last for long but it has allowed me to imagine a new way of life, one that hey, I'm already living.

In sort of related news, we're off to Mexico in less than 4 weeks!

Boring Beaver?

On Friday night Brian and I went to the James Blunt concert. It was at the Saddledome which seats about 20,000 people, so it was pretty big. Blunt was awesome and although we didn’t have great seats I could still see a lot and of course, there is always something special about live music. There was a British couple behind us and the guy kept yelling, “Go’on Jamie Lad” – it was quite funny. Near the end of the concert Blunt asked everyone to stand up and so we did. Most of the people around us stood up as well, although reluctantly. At one point the guy behind us cheering and yelling and said, “What’s wrong with this lot?” and his girlfriend responded quite loudly, “You’re not in England anymore love…you’re in boring Canada.” Which of course, got me thinking.

While living in Korea I encountered the idea of the “boring Canadian” for the first time. Prior to that I had only heard what party animals we were. It is strange to me that each of these stereotypes can coexist but they seem to. I have found Calgary to be very conservative and at the three last concerts I have been to, unlikely to move or sway to music. This bugs me. It’s one thing at a James Blunt concert given the style and music and the size of Saddledome but the Blue October concert was exactly the same. And the music was hard and the venue was small – two things conducive to a raucous party. Instead it was sober and static.

I realized that growing up in Fort Mac was a unique experience that until recently I took for granted. People who live up there do everything at full speed. Any concert or party I went to was loud, crazy and fun. You ran the risk of being stabbed but it was a good time. People work hard and they play even harder. Growing up I took for granted that when you want out, it was balls to the wall.

I left the concert feeling a little discouraged and frustrated. Sobriety can be contagious and it took the wind out of my sails a little bit. It reaffirmed my desire to get what I can from Calgary and then get out.

Bad Bad Blogger...

Vacation to the Okanagan wasn't all I had hoped it would be. Of course I loved spending time with Bri (which after all, was the point of the trip) but I made the fatal mistake of trying to recapture childhood memories. The waterslides in Penticton aren't really cool...they're scary looking. And Ogo Pogo isn't a giant dragon you can climb all over - he's a plastic toy about 4 feet tall. We had planned on stopping by Flinstone Park because really, who didn't love that as a child? It doesn't exist anymore. I kept telling Brian that all I wanted to do was jump in the lake as soon as we arrived. So, after coughing up $40 for a campsite (which doubled our trip budget on the spot) we ran into the water. As we stood there in the chest-deep lake we looked at each other and I realized, with painful clarity that the water was wet and cold and that I am nearly 30.

We stayed in Kelowna for a few days and actually has a pretty good time. We went on a great tour of the Mission Hill vineyards and winery and played mini-golf. We headed to Osoyoos for three days but ended up bailing a few hours after we arrived. The campsite we were booked into was essentially a squatter's camp and Osoyoos (my apologies to anyone who is from there) is weird. It was creepy and like much of the Okanagan had a disproportionate number of trailer parks. The entire region looked to me as though a lot of people had moved there with a dream and then run out of money before they could put siding on their home or tow the truck to the local garage. And that's where they've stayed...along with their truck.

We headed into the States (Washington, across Idaho and into Montana) which of course was an adventure. I got to listen to my fill of Jesus radio, which for some reason I absolutely love. My favourite quote? "If God is your co-pilot, you better believe that it's time to swap seats!" Pure gold. We ate at a Denny's where I was forced to order from the Senior's Menu because all the stuff from the regular menu came with a bucket of hashbrowns and your weight in pancakes. And if you ordered pancakes? Yup, they came with a side of pancakes.

So, in ten days we managed to cover two provinces, three states, every political and current event worth discussing, a few arguments, some great bumper stickers ("Orgasm Donor")and a few hours of tax-free shopping in the great state of Montana We also learned many lessons for our next trip - mainly that next time we should take our ten day budget and use it over three days.

Pardon me, Excuse me...leper coming through...

On Saturday we went to the Korean Festival here in Calgary. We braved the rain and the possibility that we might feel like unwanted foreign invaders all for a taste of galbi and dukbogi. Now, dukbogi is a street food and not one of the Korean foods I ever thought I would encounter again, but we relished every chewy cabbage-covered bite of it.

Koreans use the word waygook to describe, well, everyone who isn't Korean. American soldiers are waygooks, so are white people, and Chinese and Japanese and probably those of Korean descent who live in other countries. The Korean ability to categorize others so easily is a perfect example of their xenophobic and insular approach to the world. Here's a better example: they were still calling us waygooks here in Calgary! The festival, advertised in English, was obviously geared for Koreans since the entire festival was in Korean (and Chinese for some reason) and the signs were in hangul. This was another thing we encountered a lot of in Korea...a map or a pamphlet with an English title or introduction and then nothing else. I can't tell you how many times we picked up an English booklet only to find the inside entirely in Korean. What a pump-fake. Anyway, we got such a kick out of the fact that they were still referring to us as "foreigners" in our home country...I guess it's all a matter of perspective and some people's perspectives never change.

One of the best things about Calgary? What's outside of it.

We went camping in Kananaskis this weekend and it was incredible. I've always loved camping but the older I get, the more I appreciate the effect it has on me. My mind is more quiet when I'm outside and I feel so much more in tune with my own thoughts and the world around me.

When we got to our tent site, (which was the nicest camping spot Brian and I have ever had) we realized that the little portable barbecue was missing a crucial component and therefore would not be cooking any of our meals. I decided to try doing all the cooking over the fire and it turned out awesome. We had fresh fish with marinated veggies, mussels in the shell and garlic butter rice for dinner and a full cooked breakfast on Sunday. I don't know what it is exactly but food made outdoors always seems to taste better. Maybe there isn't any Teflon residue to numb my taste buds?

Here are some pics from our weekend:



Our camp spot was about 100 feet from the lake...what a view in the morning!



The hand of God?



Lower Kananaskis Lake at sunset...



The view from our tent window...

Do these pants make my ass look fatwa?

I've been waiting for this for a long time. Yesterday, Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani ordered a fatwa barring shiite Muslims from terrorist activities. Until the Muslim community comes out, vocally, against terrorism it will not stop. I realize that Muslims are reluctant to create or maintain ties between terrorism and Islam but the fact is, most people now see them as at least related if not synonymous. The Muslim community cannot continue to sit back and wait for political leaders and police authorities to catch and stop Islamic extremists. It must come from an overflowing of Muslim frustration. Muslims must speak to their own people and urge them in the name of their religion, to stop. This recent fatwa is a step in the right direction.

Muslims are probably the most scrutinized, profiled and discriminated against people on the planet right now. (Unless of course you're a gay native who practices Falun-gong)I know many Muslims and have traveled to Muslim countries where I have visited mosques and had religious discussions with Muslims about the state of Islam in the world today. I would like to think that I know better than to be scared when I see a Muslim man in an airport. And yet...when I was flying from Calgary to London a couple of weeks ago, a man with a long beard moved to the front of the plane, near the emergency exit, and began praying. As he kneeled and bowed repeatedly, facing what I can only imagine was East, the plane became visibly nervous. I myself was getting agitated. I kept thinking "We're flying into London in an hour...freakin London where all I ever hear about are Muslim terrorist plots and now this guy is praying in front of the entire plane. Is he making his peace with God just before he brings this thing crashing down into the city centre?!" I know I wasn't the only person thinking this because the people around me were looking a little nervous too. Does this make me a bad person? Have I bought into the stereotype that much? I was angry at myself for being so afraid. The man was very nice and was obviously not setting out to kill us all. He just wanted to pray in peace and talk to his God. The only thing that alleviated my guilt was the fact that the very nervous people to my right were Muslim too.

On the road again...

The past couple of days have been really incredible and I'm still on a high. We bought a car yesterday!! Its a VW Passat...which makes us official Calgary yuppies. It's really nice and although the colour (white) isn't exactly what I would have chosen it's already growing on me. We bought it from a really nice Chinese lady who is heading back to China this week and needed to sell it right away. That means we got a good deal and she sold her car. I felt really bad for her because she paid way too much for it...there's a reason car dealers get such a bad rep. Anyway, I think she was happy and we are definitely happy...and mobile!

Yesterday afternoon (about two hours after we bought the car)we headed out to Canmore in a snowstorm. Luckily the roads improved once we got into the mountains and everything was fine. We pulled up to our inn and fell in love almost as soon as we saw it. A Bear and Bison Inn sits on a hill in the shadow of the mountains surrounding the town. We went up to our room and couldn't believe how nice it was. It had a big fireplace in one corner and a jacuzzi tub in another. It had a huge four-poster bed with curtains on the side and a patio facing the mountains. It was absolutely stunning. We went out for a really nice dinner and then back to the Inn where we headed to the outdoor hot tub. It was just Brian and I and the snow was falling in big fat flakes. It was so relaxing and romantic. We drank champagne, chilled in the hot tub and just enjoyed each others company. The rest of the night also went well...

Camera pans from the bed to an open window...music crescendos...and cut.

This morning we got breakfast in bed and lazed about while the sun shone in the room. (Just so you know, I am fully aware this post sounds like a bad Harlequin - not that there are any good Harlequins- but I don't care. It's my anniversary and I can be as sappy as I like...) We walked around the town site and had a nice lunch. We also bought about $20 worth of fudge from a Dutch kid who got a real kick out of being a "professional fudge packer". Who knew a play on words could cross the language barrier so easily?

It was a perfect weekend and the perfect anniversary. On our way home we stopped at a Korean grocery store and were like two computer nerds at a Linux convention. We bought a bunch of stuff and the Koreans looked at us like we had perhaps stumbled into the wrong area of town. So we threw in some Korean and really left them baffled.

A new car, 50 lbs of fudge and a bucket of kimchi in the fridge. It's going to be a good weekend.

Down by the Bay, where the disenchantment grows...

I'm trying really hard to like living here and more specifically, to like my life. I don't hate Calgary or my existence but I do sometimes feel a lack of excitement about them. The sunrises in the morning are probably some of the most fantastical on earth...I usually produce a muffled "Humph" to compete with the louder "Ooohs" and "Ahhhs". I catch myself being impressed with the mountains caught in my rear view mirror but it never lasts as long as I feel it should.

I miss Korea more than I thought I would. I don't miss all of it...just the excitement of living overseas. I miss the food and of course, the prices. I miss always having loads of money. I miss my little Susie. I miss knowing that within the next few months I'll be visiting China, or Japan or both. I miss hearing another language. I miss having Brian to myself every day and I miss him and I having our own little life, all to ourselves.

I have the travel bug again and I'm not going anywhere any time soon. I'm starting to wonder if it isn't some pathology, this desire to always be going somewhere else. Why do so many people seem so content to stay put while I am not?

In other news (and probably not unrelated news) I got a job at the Bay. I lied by omission and neglected to tell them about my Master's degree. I told them I was in Korea for the past two years to explain that missing year of employment. Then, when they asked me what my plans were I told them I was going to work for the next few years to support my husband and then go back to school to be a kindergarten teacher. Or go on a shooting rampage during your next big White Sale...whatever happens first.

Some Home Grown Pics...

I had forgotten how beautiful Alberta is...


There are constant rumours that postcard companies digitally add Alberta skies to their pictures...sounds like an urban legend to me, but looking at these skies it's not entirely impossible.


Brian and his brother, Dave, hiking in the mountains.

Mi Casa

Home. A four letter word, but not in the usual sense. It's hard to describe how it feels to be back. I was far more excited to return than I ever thought I would be. All of my life I have been waiting for my next big trip...planning another adventure. This time I was anxious to come home and ready to stay there. But, when the plane finally landed (24 hours after it left...ugh) I felt a mix of emotions...relief, excitement, and a bit of sadness that my life in Asia was now in the past. There were times where I hated living in Asia, I cursed their "backwards" ways and longed for a taste of home more than once. Now, I want to go back and I may just find myself heading to Chinatown as a refuge from the outside world.

Some things I've noticed since coming home:

1. People are loud. Everybody sounds like they are yelling all the time. There is no quiet calm anywhere it seems.

2. Serving sizes and the people who eat said serving sizes, are much bigger. I'm sure this isn't correct but I get the impression that everyone is a little overweight. Comparatively that is.

3. People here are very anal about personal space. This one is funny because when I first moved to Korea I would have said the same thing about them. There is no personal space in Korea. Here, there is so much that it seems everyone is forever calculating the greatest space to distance ratio in order to stand/shop/sit accordingly. Yesterday I stood behind some guy in line at the grocery store and had obviously miscalculated. I was too close and he let me know it with a look. I could have had my hand in his back pocket in Korea and he wouldn't have cared...or noticed.

4. There is a lot of stuff here and everybody wants it. Buy stuff, wear stuff, carry stuff, eat stuff, sell stuff, collect stuff, clean stuff and drive stuff.

5. On the upside, it's beautiful. I mean "take your breath away, shed a tear" stunning. We drove in from the airport and all we could see was a giant blue sky...like a blanket over the whole earth. The fields were turning from green to gold and the mountains were etched in the horizon in the distance. It really is the most beautiful country I have ever seen.

6. Everything is clean and well-organized. It lacks some character this way because every intersection has the same shops and stores as all the other streets but it's "nice".

7. The toilets flush. And you can sit on them.

8. People, for the most part, have no idea what Asia is like and cannot begin to understand what the last year of my life has been like. They also don't really care all that much. I'm home and that's what matters.

9. The public transportation here sucks compared to Asia. Taxis are expensive and everyone just drives.

10. And finally, but most importantly, it's home.

I have mixed feelings about being back but I'm here and I don't really have a choice. It's very nice to see my family again and it's really relaxing to be able to speak English and function so easily. I am going to give myself the time it will take to get "re-acquainted" and then see how I feel. But right now, I would kill for a bowl of tchenjon chegay and an hour at a bath house.

Down With Conformity...Do What I'm Doing!

At breakfast Brian and I decided to blow this popsicle stand and head to Koh Samui. We kept trying to deny it but we both really hated Koh Phagnan. We were starting to think we really sucked and had horrible attitudes until we started talking to some other people. The Dutch couple who we met yesterday were also leaving and had come to the conclusion that the island was crap. They had been to Koh Toa and Samui and much preferred both. Now, remember that today is the day of the full moon party...an event that draws thousands of people to the island, and that we were going the opposite direction. We felt like traitors and then we felt like rebels and then, as the day went on, we just felt smart.

On the pier we were surprised to see a lot of people leaving (even more arriving mind you) and met a guy called "Irish" who was a character and a half. Sporting an upside down American flag on his back pack he was making a point of insuting everyone on the pier...loudly. He had been beaten up the night before (can't imagine why) but had managed to convince the Thai police that he was an Irish policeman so they, as their brotherly duty, went and pummeled the two guys who had beaten him. The poor Thai guy selling drinks for 10 baht was offered 20 baht to "let me shove the drink up your arsehole" and as we were walking past the crowds arriving on the island, he jumped up and decreed on high that this place "is a shithole" and to "Get back on the boat if you've an ounce of brains in your thick skulls". Compared to him, Brian and I are a puddle of sunshine.

Koh Samui is fantastic. I will never go to Koh Phagnan again but I will gladly return here. The people are nicer and the island is prettier...it's got more to do and of course, it doesn't hurt that we went all out (after weeks of paying 200 baht a night for hotel rooms) and booked a room at the Peace Resort for 2,500 baht a night. The last place we were staying at was called Cookies and although the gardens were nice, the bungalows were crap. Dark, damp and with walls weaved from palm leaves it was a dingy place all in all. The bathroom was entirely concrete and host to several families of bugs...no flush toilet and no hot water. The Peace Resort is fantastic...it's easily the nicest place I have ever stayed. A private bungalow near the beach, with fluffy towels and a bathtub! The toilet flushes and there is even a TV and a mini bar. It didn't take five minutes for Brian to declare his new life philosophy: "Screw Cookies. I'm done with Cookies."

We had been really torn about leaving before the full moon party and felt like we should go because everyone goes. As I sat in the beach front restaurant tonight, drinking my red wine and eating my roasted duck, I could hear the party from across the water. I felt like I had escaped by the skin of my teeth. It's pretty ironic that a party that started as a counter culture movement has become so packaged...I felt like a social freak for leaving.

The proud owner of a jeep and TWO hotel rooms

The last few days have been good...yesterday we had a beach day and chilled on our our little private beach. The water was blue-green and a warm as a bath. The sand was nice and I walked around topless...that's the good life. It's also a good thing about Thailand...most of the tourists here are European, where topless is just normal. (The French even have a word for it...a "monokini". Ha! I thought that was so funny!) We had lunch, played cards, swam, read and dozed under a plam tree. In the evening we watched the sunset over the water...it was beautiful.

I was so tired this morning...Brent's girlfriend (the one with the limited vocabulary) showed up and they retreated from the restaurant about the same time we headed for bed. Then the music started. Brent's bungalow (shack is more ike it...but what do you want for $4?) is right next door to ours and the music was loud. We tolerated it for awhile but when the same Jack Johnson CD went on for the fourth time we had to put our foot down. We didn't want to be the heavy-handed-pro-capitilist-anti-freedom-corportate borgs but we were tired.

We rented a jeep today and took it out around the island...that was very cool. We picked up a couple of Dutch hitch hikers and toured all the beaches. We drove through the mountainous jungle roads and saw some really cool things...giant coconut trees, waterless waterfalls, mountain villages and about 1,000 stray dogs. After having our brains rattled for a few hours on the bumpy roads, we headed home.

As it started to rain we saw a hotel by the pier. We had the jeep for 24 hours and I couldn't face another night (especially a wet one) in our bug-infested "bungalow". We managed to get the last room and paid for two rooms tonight. I didn't care...this room has pillows (white ones as opposed to the usual grey) and sheets! Better yet, it has real walls. I am living in the lap of luxury.

Crawlies in the Weave

Maybe it was the hair...maybe it reminded it of its long lost mother...either way, there was a giant spider on my head today. As big as my hand. It ran across my face and at first I thought it was one of my braids so I brushed it off. Then it ran right across my face again, over my eye and its body blotted out the sun for a fraction of a second. Long enough for me to realize what it was. I screamed and swatted at my head. Eventually it jumped off (leaped maybe) and ran under the back tire of a jeep. I'm not really scared of spiders in general but I was a little jumpy for the rest of the day!

Ko Phagnan isn't exactly what I expected (are you surprised? I wasn't.) It could just be the full moon party at the end of the week, but there is an entirely different cast of characters on this island. Brent is a good example...we met Brent this morning on our way up the hill from our guesthouse (which is a shithole, but that's another story). Brent is from Washington D.C and has been travelling for 3 months..."It's been a total mind trip ya know? I forget English all the time now and like, talking to fellow Americans (Canadians, but why be petty?) it's like totally blowin' my mind..." Ditto.

Brent has a shoulder that he can't move because he drove his rented motorbike into a ditch while trying to ride down a mountain drunk. Brent has lost 15 pounds because he stopped eating a few weeks ago and now only drinks beer. He has two Thai "girlfriends" (and an extra at home but "she's Indonesian so she understands what it's like"...hmmm) one of whom can only say two words in English - "Yes" and "fucking". How appropriate. Brent is a 4.0 student in an honours business program at the American University...or at least he was, until he started doing drugs all day long and now says he needs to go home and get tested for every STD known to man. Nice. Brent also says we "should totally come out and party at the Amsterdam bar tonight...I guarantee you (this is said with a very earnest expression) it will blow your mind."

I am reading Are You Experienced? (by William Sutcliffe) right now, it's about a young guy traveling India and the things he sees and the people he meets. Brian read it too, passed it to me when he was done and said "That's how I feel" I thought the least I could do was read it. It's quite good and pretty funny...and the character, Dave, is acidic if a bit sad. He's lost and isn't buying all the hippie BS he encounters from fellow travelers, who are all carrying around the book (Lonely Planet). At one point his friend throws the book out the train window and Dave nearly has a heart attack..."But, how will we find all the other travelers?" My favourite part is when Dave goes running up to the only other white face on a train platform...it's a journalist from Reuters. The journalist berates him: "Your kind of travel is all about low horizons dressed up as open-mindedness. You have no interest in India, and no sensitivity for the problems this country is trying to face up to," and ends up shouting: "DON'T FORGET TO PUT YOUR BIG TRIP DOWN ON THE CV!" I thought that was pretty funny.