I feel like I am usually a positive person but this will not be a positive post. Today was my 30th birthday and it sort of sucked. I was home alone with Paisley for most of the morning and tonight I am too tired to really do much of anything. None of my clothes fit properly and I feel fat and ugly and old. I also happen to feel like a dairy cow these days. There aren't any big celebrations and I can't really have a drink and my facebook account was hacked into. If some robot wants me to post "pimp-ass ring tones" on the walls of every person I know, did it really have to be done on my birthday?
Your 30th birthday is a big one. I had always promised myself that I would so something really BIG for this birthday. For Brian's 30th we climbed Fuji. I wanted to be either in a plane going somewhere spectacular or jumping out of a plane. I don't want to sound too pissy because I do realize that having a baby is pretty big and that Paisley is the best birthday present I could have ever asked for - I get that. But she doesn't come in wrapping paper and she isn't an activity that has made me feel young and cool like I needed to.
I am fully aware that how I am feeling is largely due to hormones and having been in my house for two weeks straight. That is why I am going to pretend today didn't happen and focus on tomorrow. Tomorrow will be good. My brothers are coming from Edmonton to meet the baby and we are having a small birthday celebration at my parents house. I will be surrounded by the people I love and who love me, and I will feel better I'm sure. And I'll be just as 30 as I am today.