Last night I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep (why I don't know since I am perpetually tired) and I was thinking about how much my life has changed in the last six months. Only six short months ago I was awaiting your arrival (and still thinking I had plenty of time left!) and trying to imagine what you would look like and what it would feel like to be a Mom. I had only just finished work and did not yet know what my life as a stay-at-home-Mom would look like. It was just your Dad and I. We would lie in bed and talk about our day and invariably we would be interrupted by a kick or a hiccup and we would stop, and look in wonder at my giant belly. Who was in there?
Now, you are here and you are better than we ever imagined. I cannot really even remember being pregnant and the days of driving to work every day are long gone. Now, each day starts with you and ends with you. You wake up, sometimes crying but usually quite happy to lie in your crib and wait for us, and start my day with the most beautiful smile. Yesterday your dad snuck in early in the morning to get his suit out of your closet and found you happily lying there, beaming up at him. I get you up in the morning and we have a little chat. We usually stop at the mirror in the hall on the way downstairs and have a little mirror time. You love it when I run up very close to the mirror so that our noses are almost touching the glass and then run away again. We do this for about 5 minutes, or until you get bored, and make our way to the kitchen where I grab breakfast and get ready for the day. At night we cuddle and read stories and I usually feed you before bed. You immediately roll onto your side, stick your thumb in your mouth and that's it. You're asleep.
Your Dad started his job this month and for the first time since you were born our threesome became a twosome. The first week was the longest week of my life and so, by the second week, I had signed up for every mommy-related activity known to man. On Tuesdays we go to Salsa Babies, where we dance the merengue and the cha cha with all the other moms and babies. You love it because you're close to me and get to move for 45 minutes straight. I love it because I love dancing and it's a great workout. On Thursdays we do yoga under a tree in Riley park. Okay, I do yoga under a tree and you lie on the blanket and cheer me on. It's very calming and relaxing and you love being outdoors so you're happy. The other days are spent running errands, meeting friends for lunch, visiting with Grandma and Grandpa and sometimes, but rarely, just hanging out at home. I am still trying to figure out what our life is going to look like and I have to admit that some days are easier than others. On busy days I feel full and energized and happy. On dark days, where it is raining, or we have nothing planned, I feel sad and a little lost. It's hard to carve a life out for yourself when there isn't anyone else telling you what to do, where to be or when you can go home. I have reserved Sunday evenings for myself - I go and play beach volleyball and I am merely Caroline. Not "Paisley's Mom" or "Brian's Wife"...just me. It feels good.
You are the joy in my life and even though adjusting can be rocky, I have never regretted my decision to stay at home. Not once. You are laughing so much these days and some times you get going and all I have to do is look at you and you start all over again. You are eating everything in sight (except the food I try to give you. Last week you spat squash in my face. We laughed. And then I spat it back at you.) and you're favourite snack is still your fingers, with some toes for dessert. Your hair is growing in and it is soft, and downy and very blond. I am curious to see what it will look like as it grows. You still love your bath time and have recently discovered that you can kick to your heart's content in there. The water goes flying and you squeal and kick like a frog on speed. I would like to report that you are sleeping through the night, but alas, I cannot lie. You were sleeping the night and then all of a sudden, you decided you actually preferred to get up three times a night to yell at Mom. You've stopped crying at night and have started this seal-like barking. It's very demanding and a little bit rude but I can't help but laugh, even when I am barked awake at 4:00 AM. I suppose the barking comes along with the giggling so I'm happy to take it.
This is a very special time in our lives and although you won't remember it, I always will. You are my baby, my companion and the reason I do the things I do. You have helped me to become more outgoing and you make me laugh every day. Not a day goes by where I don't stop and look at you and take a mental picture because it's all going so fast. Not very long ago you couldn't even control your arms and now you are rolling over, propping yourself up, kicking, talking and growing. You are doing a wonderful job of being you.