How Things Have Changed...

It is a cliché to say that life after a baby will never be the same, but after knowing Paisley for only one week I have to say that it is indeed true. Already my life has changed and I have gained a new perspective on many things…I understand things in a way that I didn’t before and see old things from a new perspective.

I now understand how my parents must have felt when they first met me. I always knew they loved me but I never really understood how much until now…

I now understand why people steal the children they cannot access and how painful it must be to not be able to see your child whenever you want…

I can sympathize with those crazy Christians who want to protect their children from the evils of the world. While our definition of evil may differ I can understand how you would not want such purity and innocence to be exposed to the realities of today’s world…

I love Brian more than anything but I have never before experienced such a deep, selfless love. She is reliant on me for life and I have never before been so important and so humbled all at once…

Hours can be spent just watching her, she is so perfect and with every little twitch of her mouth or gurgle, I fall even more in love…

I looked at Paisley today and I suddenly realized how it must have felt for my Mom when I so casually left home at 18. I remember her shock when I told her I had chosen a university 15 hours away and declared I was getting the "heck out of there". It wasn't her that drove that decision but a strong desire to get out into the world and be independent. I now know how it must have felt and how hurt she must have been. My heart aches for the woman who dropped off her first born and drove away, to go home to an empty bedroom and memories of me as a baby and as a child. How lonely she must have felt...

I feel more vulnerable than I ever have. I have always felt things strongly and I have come to realize that without knowing or without meaning to, this baby is going to break my heart...

One week in and I am already lost in her. She has become the centre of our family and the joy in my world. Just wait until she can actually do something.