I had a realization yesterday that left me feeling a little sad, somewhat nostalgic but also very lucky. With Christmas quickly approaching and it being Paisley's first I have of course, been thinking about my own Christmases gone by. I loved this time of year as a child and there was a sense of magic that I can recall, if I can't explain. I have such fond memories of parties, fancy dresses, Santa, dancing, music, delicious food, anticipation, warmth, love and happiness. Christmas was, and is, my favourite time of the year. As I grew older, that magic started to dissipate. I still enjoyed Christmas but the wonder was gone. I had always assumed that when I had children of my own that it would return. Yesterday it dawned on me that in fact, that magic was gone forever. I have no doubt that it will be better as Paisley grows up and that I will recapture some of that excitement and anticipation but since I will be the one doing the cooking, wrapping the gifts, organizing the parties and trying to limit the intake of sweets, it will be different. No presents will magically appear on Christmas morning, no wonderful smells will escape from the kitchen while I lie on the living room floor with a book, no one will carry me up to bed, past the Christmas decorations and lights while I lie in a sleepy haze, full of turkey and chocolate. It made me a little sad but at the same time, very happy that I have those memories at all. Some kids didn't have what I had growing up and that would be far, far worse. The best I can do is make sure that Paisley has those same warm, magical recollections when she is older. And maybe, when I'm in my nineties, I'll lose my faculties and swear I saw Santa coming up the drive, will sing dirty Christmas carols with abandon and I'll be lucky enough to have Paisley carry me up to bed.
My family is heading to the Delta Kananaskis today for Christmas. I am really excited to get away and relax. They have all kinds of programs running like yoga, sleigh rides, skating, tobogganing and of course, tons of food (and no dirty dishes to clean!) to eat so it should be a blast. A Merry Christmas to all of you out there and I hope that you all have a safe, warm, and happy holiday!