Monday, December 01, 2008

To Paisley: Ten Months Old

Ten is a round number. It is substantial and in years would mark a decade. For some reason, ten months has held unusual significance for me and so this past month hasn't been wonderful, in fact I've felt sort of sad. You are growing so fast and every day you learn something new. You are exploring, growing, eating, singing, laughing...all the things you are supposed to do and boy oh boy do I wish some days that you would just stop.

I'm not ready for you to be a "kid" yet. I'm not ready for you to start walking or talking or to stop being my little baby. I can't believe how quickly you are changing and quite frankly, it scares the hell out of me. One morning, a few weeks ago I went into your room just as you were waking up from your morning nap. Waking up from this nap is usually a happy affair, with very little crying. I usually hear you chattering away to yourself in your crib and leave you for ten minutes before I make an entrance. This day was no different, except, it was. I went in and as usual you were standing up and grinning away at me. And, for a fleet second I caught a glimpse of an older you. A grown up you and you looked different to me. Maybe I was hormonal, maybe you had a growth spurt in your sleep, either way you looked different somehow and less like a little baby. My world sort of froze for a second and then I scooped you up and cuddled into your neck and took a deep breath. You smelled like sleep and baby and a little bit like sour milk and I cried. I held you and cried while you ma-ma-ma'd in my ear because my heart was hurting from so much love.

We started this month on a high note. The United States elected Barrack Obama to be their next President and your Dad and I couldn't have been happier. In some weird way I felt relief that maybe the world would be a little safer, a little better for you despite the fact that he'll be gone by the time you grow up and oh yes, we're Canadian. Still, Obama's election signified a turning point that I am hoping will continue for many years. Despite your Dad's best efforts, you still haven't said "Obama".

You have three teeth now and another one nearly though! This really helps you in your efforts to climb, well, THE WORLD, since now you can grab onto table ledges and bookcases with your mouth and you really get a grip. You are climbing into, onto and under everything in your sight and while it can get tiring to have to chase you around the house I have to admit that I get a kick out of it. I was that kid too, who couldn't see the point of playing with toys from a toy box when you could be IN or even ON the toy box. I take you to the mall where there is a play area for kids and you love it! All the other kids in there are walking or at the very least crawling like normal babies but that doesn't stop you. You love the kids and you will drag your little limbs right into the thick of things and yell and squeal and laugh. It is great to watch and I love to watch the looks on the faces of the toddlers when they are bowled over by a blur of pink, dragging her self around the floor.

We are still trying to figure out who you look like and so far, no solid conclusions. I see your Dad in you sometimes and sometimes your little cousin Eden and very often, your Great Grandma Hannah. I have been looking for myself and was always a bit sad when I couldn't see it. And now? Well, now I know exactly where I fit in. Your personality is very similar to mine and I often laugh at how things turn out. I was such an energetic, rambunctious and intense kid and so far, you are very much the same. You are always happy but happiest when you are busy, surrounded by other kids and lots of people to play with. It's good that I'm the same because I have no qualms about getting down and playing with you, or letting you climb anything you want. I know what it feels like to be so excited by the world that you can hardly stand it and I'm happy that we can stand there, shaking with anticipation, laughing and drooling...together.


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