I have conquered the unconquerable. This past weekend I rewired the electrical outlets and light switches on the main level. Now, the past few months have been a journey of self-discovery for me. I have gained skills I never thought I would have and a man hand that could bitch slap a walrus. I now feel comfortable in any aisle in Rona or Home Depot and could at least hazard a guess as to what most of their products do. I rest comfortably knowing that if the next great plague were to hit tomorrow and I was saved and forced to repopulate the earth, that I could build a nice little hut out of left over construction materials. And the interior would be creatively but not gaudily decorated.
But, the wiring? Wiring is guy stuff and I did it. I wasn't electrocuted, the lights work and the new rocker panels look lovely.
And on the seventh day she rested.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Maybe marriage is a mood stabilizer...
I think I'm seeping personality from my pores. (That would at least explain why my cat is always sniffing at me...that and a severe nipple fetish) As I get older I feel more normal every day. I feel less intelligent and I'm satisfied with that. I feel less kooky and that's not a problem either. I used to feel so full of emotion that just staring out the window for too long would make me cry and nights would be spent contemplating my own existence. I would become so overjoyed with the smell of fresh sheets that I would weep because I couldn't handle so much happiness all at once.
I used to hope that this would happen one day - that the waves of emotion that would carry me from black hole to brilliant high would even out and I could sail calm water into my thirties. Who knew it would actually happen? It sounds like a sad thing, a decent into mediocrity, but it doesn't feel sad. It feels wonderful. I'm happier existing in the middle.
Now don't get me wrong...when I do get angry I still want to rip my hair out and when I'm hurt I feel like there is a gaping, bloody hole in my chest. It all just happens less often.
I used to hope that this would happen one day - that the waves of emotion that would carry me from black hole to brilliant high would even out and I could sail calm water into my thirties. Who knew it would actually happen? It sounds like a sad thing, a decent into mediocrity, but it doesn't feel sad. It feels wonderful. I'm happier existing in the middle.
Now don't get me wrong...when I do get angry I still want to rip my hair out and when I'm hurt I feel like there is a gaping, bloody hole in my chest. It all just happens less often.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Pathetic Ascetic
Things I live without:
cable, a microwave, disposable income, a stereo, a sandwich press, a vehicle, g-strings, call waiting and voicemail
Things I refuse to live without:
CBC radio, my hair straightner, my husband, my cat, a camera, a computer, the internet, running shoes and my library card
cable, a microwave, disposable income, a stereo, a sandwich press, a vehicle, g-strings, call waiting and voicemail
Things I refuse to live without:
CBC radio, my hair straightner, my husband, my cat, a camera, a computer, the internet, running shoes and my library card
On the verge of employment?
I got a job interview!! I'm not going to say where in case I jinx it (nice skeptic I am...jinxes and such)but I am so happy...I want this job. Even if I don't get it though, getting the interview after sending out my resume 1,000 times is awesome. I will at least get the chance to talk with people and leave the house...whoopeee!
Friday, January 27, 2006
This post is so unpolitical it's groovy...
I've been feeling really great lately and I kind of want to bottle some of it and save it for a day when I'm feeling lousy, because eventually it will come. I feel happy and positive and optimistic and although I wasn't exactly in the depths of despair before Christmas, I wasn't feeling too confident either. I didn't want to throw myself in front of a bus so much as just trip into one so that people noticed I existed. "Did you see that crazy bitch? She just fell into the side of the bus! Look her face is all smooshed up against that hemorrhoid ad!"
I'm training for a sprint triathlon (which involves a 750m swim, 20 km bike and a 5 km run)this summer and so far it's going well. I'm starting off slowly and that's probably a good thing. In the past, whenever I have embarked on some kind of fitness program I have gone a little psycho at the beginning, only to peter out in the middle. This time I am going to swallow my pride and start as slow as they want me to. Anyway, I'm excited about it and curious to see how it all goes. I have my first swimming class this weekend, followed by my first U of C intramural volleyball game on Sunday night.
I'm working on some jobs and I am hoping so badly that I get the one I'm after. I will keep you posted. I feel better now then I did before though. Partly because I am actually going to places in person and talking to people. So even if I don't get the position I've left the house, interacted with another human being and possible left an impression. It's all good.
The house is coming along really well and I promise I will put some pictures up soon. There is a reason, however, why you don't see makeover "during" pictures. During usually doesn't look much better than "before"...it's the "after" we're after.
I'm training for a sprint triathlon (which involves a 750m swim, 20 km bike and a 5 km run)this summer and so far it's going well. I'm starting off slowly and that's probably a good thing. In the past, whenever I have embarked on some kind of fitness program I have gone a little psycho at the beginning, only to peter out in the middle. This time I am going to swallow my pride and start as slow as they want me to. Anyway, I'm excited about it and curious to see how it all goes. I have my first swimming class this weekend, followed by my first U of C intramural volleyball game on Sunday night.
I'm working on some jobs and I am hoping so badly that I get the one I'm after. I will keep you posted. I feel better now then I did before though. Partly because I am actually going to places in person and talking to people. So even if I don't get the position I've left the house, interacted with another human being and possible left an impression. It's all good.
The house is coming along really well and I promise I will put some pictures up soon. There is a reason, however, why you don't see makeover "during" pictures. During usually doesn't look much better than "before"...it's the "after" we're after.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The West is in...quick, someone shut the door!
Sweet relief. I'm not going to complain or get on my soap box about how much I hate the Conservative party. He's on a short leash and I'm satisfied with that. Now the Liberals can get their shit together and prepare for the great battle in the years to come. I want to know where all those riding are that voted NDP...cuz' I'm moving there.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
If I were Prime Minister...
If I were the PM of this wonderful country, this is what I would do:
1. I would revamp the education system and introduce a media and advertising course. I would have children learn about their role in the economy and the tactics used by those who wish to turn them into life-long consumers. I would have them study different advertising and marketing techniques and learn to critically evaluate the information they are bombarded with in the course of the day.
2. I would bring back physical education...and not just for young people. Grown ups could benefit from a daily 20 minute exercise recess too.
3. I would ban handguns. Those who use them for sports can either lock them up at an on location storage facility (if they are target shooters they have to go to the shooting range anyway, so why not store their guns there?) or move to America.
4. I would introduce creative sentencing and introduce tougher drinking and driving charges. First offense: license gone for a year. Second offense: gone for life. Third offense: charge them and send them to jail. I would provide good, effective addictions counseling in prisons. I would allow all prisoners to vote. They made mistakes, they are still citizens of this country.
5. I would provide financial incentives for those who choose public transportation. I would tax gas and I would invest in public transport and fuel alternatives.
6. I would remove the GST from feminine products...that's gander biased. We have to buy cotton rockets whether we like it or not. I would also remove it from books.
7. I would stop buying medical supplies from overseas. I would introduce a standardized medical supply production company and open factories in area of low employment. Said products (gloves, scissors, bedpans etc...) would be distributed across the country. Everyone would have access to the same supplies, the cost of healthcare would decrease dramatically (right now we pay $80 for each pair of American-made suture scissors...sheesh) and it would provide work where people need it most.
8. I would introduce a charge fee at the emergency room. Chronic illness and those suffering real emergencies would not have to pay the charge. Those with a runny nose would.
9. I would introduce a pay-work system in the government, similar to what already exists in the military. The government helps you pay for school provided you work in the civil service industry for a certain number of months/years.
10. I would provide more funding for low income housing and senior home care. Senior citizens would be paired up with low income families on a volunteer basis. Seniors feel like they have someone that cares about them, and single mothers get the help they need. The children end up with more involved adults and someone to come home to after school.
11. I would open more spots in medical school and work to make them less elitist. You shouldn't have to know at 21 what you want to be and have already taken all the pre-requisite courses. I would do away with American based standardized tests (LSAT,MCAT,GMAT,GRE etc.) and introduce similar tests, developed in Canada, and free to anyone who wishes to study and take them.
12. I would say "No, absolutely no, what the hell are you thinking" to the Americans with respect to the Missile defense program.
13. I would fund the CBC to the teeth. I would set up the written equivalent of the CBC and have a national newspaper, publicly funded and as unbiased as possible.
14. I would introduce exact proportional representation. Each vote would count for one vote in parliament. If in a riding the Liberal candidate received 5,000 votes but did not win the election, those 5,000 votes would be distributed to other liberal MP's. Each riding would still elect a representatives but the other votes would never be wasted. This means that parties like the Green Party that may only have one elected representative would still have the power of the 6% of Canadians who voted for them.
15. I would set up a free and voluntary exchange program for students across Canada. Students from all across the country would get the opportunity to live in another province for one semester. This would allow children to develop a national understanding and perspective. This would be especially helpful for the Quebec situation.
That's it for now, but I'm working on some more points. If this platform keeps developing at the rate it has been I'll be running in 2010..."Vote for me...I'm as sick of politics as you are!!"
1. I would revamp the education system and introduce a media and advertising course. I would have children learn about their role in the economy and the tactics used by those who wish to turn them into life-long consumers. I would have them study different advertising and marketing techniques and learn to critically evaluate the information they are bombarded with in the course of the day.
2. I would bring back physical education...and not just for young people. Grown ups could benefit from a daily 20 minute exercise recess too.
3. I would ban handguns. Those who use them for sports can either lock them up at an on location storage facility (if they are target shooters they have to go to the shooting range anyway, so why not store their guns there?) or move to America.
4. I would introduce creative sentencing and introduce tougher drinking and driving charges. First offense: license gone for a year. Second offense: gone for life. Third offense: charge them and send them to jail. I would provide good, effective addictions counseling in prisons. I would allow all prisoners to vote. They made mistakes, they are still citizens of this country.
5. I would provide financial incentives for those who choose public transportation. I would tax gas and I would invest in public transport and fuel alternatives.
6. I would remove the GST from feminine products...that's gander biased. We have to buy cotton rockets whether we like it or not. I would also remove it from books.
7. I would stop buying medical supplies from overseas. I would introduce a standardized medical supply production company and open factories in area of low employment. Said products (gloves, scissors, bedpans etc...) would be distributed across the country. Everyone would have access to the same supplies, the cost of healthcare would decrease dramatically (right now we pay $80 for each pair of American-made suture scissors...sheesh) and it would provide work where people need it most.
8. I would introduce a charge fee at the emergency room. Chronic illness and those suffering real emergencies would not have to pay the charge. Those with a runny nose would.
9. I would introduce a pay-work system in the government, similar to what already exists in the military. The government helps you pay for school provided you work in the civil service industry for a certain number of months/years.
10. I would provide more funding for low income housing and senior home care. Senior citizens would be paired up with low income families on a volunteer basis. Seniors feel like they have someone that cares about them, and single mothers get the help they need. The children end up with more involved adults and someone to come home to after school.
11. I would open more spots in medical school and work to make them less elitist. You shouldn't have to know at 21 what you want to be and have already taken all the pre-requisite courses. I would do away with American based standardized tests (LSAT,MCAT,GMAT,GRE etc.) and introduce similar tests, developed in Canada, and free to anyone who wishes to study and take them.
12. I would say "No, absolutely no, what the hell are you thinking" to the Americans with respect to the Missile defense program.
13. I would fund the CBC to the teeth. I would set up the written equivalent of the CBC and have a national newspaper, publicly funded and as unbiased as possible.
14. I would introduce exact proportional representation. Each vote would count for one vote in parliament. If in a riding the Liberal candidate received 5,000 votes but did not win the election, those 5,000 votes would be distributed to other liberal MP's. Each riding would still elect a representatives but the other votes would never be wasted. This means that parties like the Green Party that may only have one elected representative would still have the power of the 6% of Canadians who voted for them.
15. I would set up a free and voluntary exchange program for students across Canada. Students from all across the country would get the opportunity to live in another province for one semester. This would allow children to develop a national understanding and perspective. This would be especially helpful for the Quebec situation.
That's it for now, but I'm working on some more points. If this platform keeps developing at the rate it has been I'll be running in 2010..."Vote for me...I'm as sick of politics as you are!!"
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Depletion in the Blogosphere...CFC's to blame?
Where have all the bloggers gone? Is blogging getting boring? It seems to me (and I include myself in this) that people have stopped blogging with the same intensity they used to. Maybe it's just the blogs I read and maybe it's because one of my bloggers is on vacation in China, with his Mum, but the craze appears to be dwindling. Don't get me wrong, there will always be blogging, just like there will always be hoola hoops and pogo sticks. I just want to know what everyone is doing with their free time....
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
So far 2006 is a mediocre year...
It's a New Year and I can't sleep. I've been up since about 4:00 for no good reason...maybe it's all those unacknowledged and unvocalized New Year's resolutions swimming around my head. Last year my resolution was to do the splits by 2006. I don't think I worked on it...even once. These are my resolutions for this year:
1. Quit smoking. (I figure that starting with something I already did a long time ago will start me off on the right track...)
2. Blog more and blog better...starting tomorrow.
3. Get a job. Way to aim high.
4. Lose some weight and eat better.
5. Call my friends more often.
6. Go somewhere I have never been before.
7. Learn a new skill. This is where my killer harmonica comes in...
8. Volunteer more.
9. Enjoy the moment.
10. Befriend a troop of mountain gorillas.
11. Remember not to get caught up in the life that is Calgary.
12. Be nicer to others and to myself.
How cool is this? It's my little brother's first academic paper and it's a very important one. I'm so proud of him. This is way better than that time he pretended to be a doctor on some online chat groups and convinced hundreds of people to abandon their medications.
1. Quit smoking. (I figure that starting with something I already did a long time ago will start me off on the right track...)
2. Blog more and blog better...starting tomorrow.
3. Get a job. Way to aim high.
4. Lose some weight and eat better.
5. Call my friends more often.
6. Go somewhere I have never been before.
7. Learn a new skill. This is where my killer harmonica comes in...
8. Volunteer more.
9. Enjoy the moment.
10. Befriend a troop of mountain gorillas.
11. Remember not to get caught up in the life that is Calgary.
12. Be nicer to others and to myself.
How cool is this? It's my little brother's first academic paper and it's a very important one. I'm so proud of him. This is way better than that time he pretended to be a doctor on some online chat groups and convinced hundreds of people to abandon their medications.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
God Rest Ye Merry Heathens
I'm sitting here at my brother's house in Edmonton, pecking away at his beautiful iBook...Mac makes amazing things. We drove up to Edmonton yesterday on a sunny, warm winter day. The prairies were never prettier and it was great to hang out with Brian (and my new Eminem CD).
The flooring is down in our living room and dining room! Brian worked all day Thursday and when I came home, he had installed all the flooring. It looks so great and the house is really starting to come together. I stood there on Wednesday evening with the Christmas tree lights on and I almost started to cry. Our house looks like a home.
I went to the library last week and it was like I had died and gone to Chapters. Twelve bucks a year and I can take out 99 items at a time! I'm a quick and voracious reader but I don't think I could read 99 books in a three week loan period. At any rate, it's nice to know the possibility exists. There were about a dozen Mormon missionaries at the library, all checking their email and writing home. A whole flock of them were standing right next the evolutionary biology section and I couldn't help but giggle at the irony. Elder's Smith and Tanner leaning on the likes of Darwin and E.O. Wilson...it was too much to handle.
It's my Mum's birthday today! When she was a child she used to think she was a day older than Jesus.
Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays and spending time with friends and family. Have a wonderful Christmas and remember, keep the "mas" in Christmas.
The flooring is down in our living room and dining room! Brian worked all day Thursday and when I came home, he had installed all the flooring. It looks so great and the house is really starting to come together. I stood there on Wednesday evening with the Christmas tree lights on and I almost started to cry. Our house looks like a home.
I went to the library last week and it was like I had died and gone to Chapters. Twelve bucks a year and I can take out 99 items at a time! I'm a quick and voracious reader but I don't think I could read 99 books in a three week loan period. At any rate, it's nice to know the possibility exists. There were about a dozen Mormon missionaries at the library, all checking their email and writing home. A whole flock of them were standing right next the evolutionary biology section and I couldn't help but giggle at the irony. Elder's Smith and Tanner leaning on the likes of Darwin and E.O. Wilson...it was too much to handle.
It's my Mum's birthday today! When she was a child she used to think she was a day older than Jesus.
Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays and spending time with friends and family. Have a wonderful Christmas and remember, keep the "mas" in Christmas.
Friday, December 16, 2005
The Election
As a "stay at home worker" I am able to listen to the radio all day long while I sand and paint. There have been times in my life where I have wished that I could be put into traction, just so I could lie there all day and listen to the CBC. This is better than traction. And what better timing? The lead up to a national election...
Now as a Calgarian, I am expected to vote Christian Heritage and if I insist on being a left leaning patsy, to at least vote Conservative. There is basically no hope in hell of anyone but the Conservatives winning any of the ridings in this city. Albertans talk a lot about being excluded and voiceless in the political system...they should try being a non-conservative in this province. When people ask me how I am voting and I tell them they always look a little shocked. I know they just wanted to hear their own rhetoric come back at them so as to confirm their views but that's not going to happen. "But what about Gomery?!" they usually sputter. To which I reply, "What about Gomery?"
It's not that I'm not aware of AdScam or that I don't care. It's just that to me, the ad scandal doesn't even come close to outweighing all the good the Liberals have done. I am proud of Canada and of the Liberal legacy. Twelve years of surplus, 40,000 new jobs, and $60 billion paid to the deficit. We stood up to the Americans and kept our troops (limited as they may be) home. We've given homosexuals rights that they deserve to have. We've worked hard on Kyoto, on crime and on international relief. It hasn't been perfect but it's pretty good. It all comes down to priorities. Social policy vs. fiscal policy. To me, social policy and practice take precedence.
I don't need the Liberal party to make me scared of the Conservatives. they can do that on their own. One look at their platform and I'm convinced. But that is exactly the problem...people in Alberta do agree with them. There is a chasm of values across this country and I don't know how any party will fix it. In the meantime, I'll just stand on my side of the great divide and hope "the others" don't throw me over.
Now as a Calgarian, I am expected to vote Christian Heritage and if I insist on being a left leaning patsy, to at least vote Conservative. There is basically no hope in hell of anyone but the Conservatives winning any of the ridings in this city. Albertans talk a lot about being excluded and voiceless in the political system...they should try being a non-conservative in this province. When people ask me how I am voting and I tell them they always look a little shocked. I know they just wanted to hear their own rhetoric come back at them so as to confirm their views but that's not going to happen. "But what about Gomery?!" they usually sputter. To which I reply, "What about Gomery?"
It's not that I'm not aware of AdScam or that I don't care. It's just that to me, the ad scandal doesn't even come close to outweighing all the good the Liberals have done. I am proud of Canada and of the Liberal legacy. Twelve years of surplus, 40,000 new jobs, and $60 billion paid to the deficit. We stood up to the Americans and kept our troops (limited as they may be) home. We've given homosexuals rights that they deserve to have. We've worked hard on Kyoto, on crime and on international relief. It hasn't been perfect but it's pretty good. It all comes down to priorities. Social policy vs. fiscal policy. To me, social policy and practice take precedence.
I don't need the Liberal party to make me scared of the Conservatives. they can do that on their own. One look at their platform and I'm convinced. But that is exactly the problem...people in Alberta do agree with them. There is a chasm of values across this country and I don't know how any party will fix it. In the meantime, I'll just stand on my side of the great divide and hope "the others" don't throw me over.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Back Like Bacon...
I never thought a couple of weeks could feel like an eternity. I also never realized how pathetically reliant I am on the internet to keep me connected to...life. I've had this little ball of anxiety flip-flopping in my stomach since I "left" and it's only now starting to dull in intensity. I couldn't email my friends, I couldn't read my blogs and I couldn't access all the newsy bits of information I like to digest with my coffee. (Keeps me regular.) But last night, Brian set up our new modem and I am good to go...
I have been working full time on our new place and loving every minute of it. I never knew how much I enjoyed "house stuff". I've always enjoyed houses, as in staying in them and hiding from the outside world, but this is new. I've painted ceilings, ripped up flooring, sanded, stripped, primed and painted walls. I'm on a first name basis with the guys at Rona and I have a man hand. My right hand is bigger than my left and all swollen from the work it's been doing. It's got cuts, calluses, blisters and scrapes. Every morning I wake up, fashion it into what has become a very strong claw and threaten Brian with the man claw. I look at my new hand and I feel alive...visual evidence of hard work and projects completed.
It's good that my hands have been kept busy because my head's been busier than it needs to be. When I was younger I used to try and describe my "busy head" as a train going through at high speed and never stopping. Loud. Unsettling. It's gotten much better in the past few years and the trains have been few and far between. It's not back yet but I can hear it coming down the track. The busier I am, the softer the train. I am stuck in one of those places that probably seem necessary and even humorous when you look back on them at 60 but are devastating at 27. I have no idea what I want or who I want to be. I am so stuck that I have considered being a manicurist, a writer, a birth coach, a nurse and a contractor...all in the last few weeks. And the only way to sort through everything is to just keep thinking...oh goody. All aboard!
I have been working full time on our new place and loving every minute of it. I never knew how much I enjoyed "house stuff". I've always enjoyed houses, as in staying in them and hiding from the outside world, but this is new. I've painted ceilings, ripped up flooring, sanded, stripped, primed and painted walls. I'm on a first name basis with the guys at Rona and I have a man hand. My right hand is bigger than my left and all swollen from the work it's been doing. It's got cuts, calluses, blisters and scrapes. Every morning I wake up, fashion it into what has become a very strong claw and threaten Brian with the man claw. I look at my new hand and I feel alive...visual evidence of hard work and projects completed.
It's good that my hands have been kept busy because my head's been busier than it needs to be. When I was younger I used to try and describe my "busy head" as a train going through at high speed and never stopping. Loud. Unsettling. It's gotten much better in the past few years and the trains have been few and far between. It's not back yet but I can hear it coming down the track. The busier I am, the softer the train. I am stuck in one of those places that probably seem necessary and even humorous when you look back on them at 60 but are devastating at 27. I have no idea what I want or who I want to be. I am so stuck that I have considered being a manicurist, a writer, a birth coach, a nurse and a contractor...all in the last few weeks. And the only way to sort through everything is to just keep thinking...oh goody. All aboard!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Spaced Out
We moved into our new place this weekend and so far, so good. I have been working non-stop on painting, scrubbing and general fix-ups. The person who lived in the house before us must have been color blind and cross-eyed because everything clashes and is crooked. The electrical outlets are installed upside down, the bathtub had never been cleaned and the shelves aren't actually attached to the wall...just sort of wedged in there.
The only bad thing is that we haven't go our internet hooked up at the new house yet and so I'm at my Mum's writing this. I apologize in advance for all the unchecked blogs and unanswered email, both past and future. Blame Telus. When I get my internet up and running and I can converse again in the cyber realm, you will hear from me.
The only bad thing is that we haven't go our internet hooked up at the new house yet and so I'm at my Mum's writing this. I apologize in advance for all the unchecked blogs and unanswered email, both past and future. Blame Telus. When I get my internet up and running and I can converse again in the cyber realm, you will hear from me.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Oompas Loompas Dissapoint
When my "real life" starts next week and I've moved in to my own place things will be better. Right now I can't write. I can't think properly and my writing has taken a serious nose dive. I have all these plans...new blog template...audio blog...fiction contests and actually sending things away to be read, rejected, rejected, rejected and eventually published. As I sit writing this I am in our office/bedroom/closet/living room that has served as our "area" for the past few months. It's been so generous of my parents to let us stay here but our lives are so unsettled and I can't get the words on the page any more organized than the room I'm sitting in.
I have been wanting to see the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (with Johnny Depp) for ages now and last night we finally sat down and watched it. I was bitterly disappointed. I read and loved the books as a child (Roald Dahl is wonderful...I swear, if you haven't yet read "Fantastic Mr. Fox" you should do so quickly) and of course, loved the original film with Gene Wilder. Although Depp did a good job I can't help but feel he was mis-directed by Burton. The original Willy Wonka was kooky but warm and he loved children and the magical world only they could live in. He was a candy-making romantic. Depp was just dark, crazy and a little mean. They cut some important parts out of the film and it all sort of lost its charm. And the oompa loompas sucked. There was no bouncy little diddy following each child's disappearance...nope, they modernized that part. At one point all the oompa loompas (who, incidentally were carbon copies of a little Indian man) broke out into a disco/rap thing. Highly unimpressive.
I have been wanting to see the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (with Johnny Depp) for ages now and last night we finally sat down and watched it. I was bitterly disappointed. I read and loved the books as a child (Roald Dahl is wonderful...I swear, if you haven't yet read "Fantastic Mr. Fox" you should do so quickly) and of course, loved the original film with Gene Wilder. Although Depp did a good job I can't help but feel he was mis-directed by Burton. The original Willy Wonka was kooky but warm and he loved children and the magical world only they could live in. He was a candy-making romantic. Depp was just dark, crazy and a little mean. They cut some important parts out of the film and it all sort of lost its charm. And the oompa loompas sucked. There was no bouncy little diddy following each child's disappearance...nope, they modernized that part. At one point all the oompa loompas (who, incidentally were carbon copies of a little Indian man) broke out into a disco/rap thing. Highly unimpressive.
Monday, November 14, 2005
The TV Lies
Despite what you may have seen on television and on the commercials, couples cannot walk hand in hand in their matching fleece jackets, down the aisles of Home Depot and not get into a fist fight by the time they hit plumbing supplies. In fact, what will happen is this:
W: Look at this nice carpet...I wonder how much it is? Maybe I should go and ask.
M: Well, are you going to buy it today?
W: No...I just thought it might be a good idea to ask so we have an idea of what kind of price we're looking at.
M: Humph.
W: Fine. Forget it.
M: Well, no, seriously...what are we even doing here? We've been here an hour.
W: An hour? That's nothing. I still haven't seen half the store. We have a lot of things to buy you know and so far (voice rises a pitch) I've been doing it all alone. I thought you might want to help.
M: What have you done all by yourself?
W: Everything! I've picked out the sheets, the paint colours, the duvets, the appliances...
M: That's because I don't care about that stuff.
W: (Jaw drops...followed closely by tears of injustice. She grabs the cart, swivels and stomps away to the lighting department where she proceeds to wipe her eyes under the glow of a thousand lightbulbs.)
M: (Gets angry that W just walked away...he heads to the screwdriver department. Not to think...just to look at screwdrivers.)
A reunion is conducted by cell phone and text messages. The reunion doesn't go so well because W is still upset and M is still thinking about screwdrivers.
M: I have told you a hundred times...I don't like shopping.
W: But this is Home-freakin-Depot. I thought it would be different!
M: It's not. I hate shopping.
W: How can you hate shopping...isn't this "manly stuff" (obviously still struggling with the concept)
M: I hate shopping for everything.
W: Oh. (Thinking..."Did you hate shopping for my wedding ring?...you jerk)
The couple leaves Home Depot never to return again...at least not together. The music crescendos...orange and white Home Depot sign appears. The end.
W: Look at this nice carpet...I wonder how much it is? Maybe I should go and ask.
M: Well, are you going to buy it today?
W: No...I just thought it might be a good idea to ask so we have an idea of what kind of price we're looking at.
M: Humph.
W: Fine. Forget it.
M: Well, no, seriously...what are we even doing here? We've been here an hour.
W: An hour? That's nothing. I still haven't seen half the store. We have a lot of things to buy you know and so far (voice rises a pitch) I've been doing it all alone. I thought you might want to help.
M: What have you done all by yourself?
W: Everything! I've picked out the sheets, the paint colours, the duvets, the appliances...
M: That's because I don't care about that stuff.
W: (Jaw drops...followed closely by tears of injustice. She grabs the cart, swivels and stomps away to the lighting department where she proceeds to wipe her eyes under the glow of a thousand lightbulbs.)
M: (Gets angry that W just walked away...he heads to the screwdriver department. Not to think...just to look at screwdrivers.)
A reunion is conducted by cell phone and text messages. The reunion doesn't go so well because W is still upset and M is still thinking about screwdrivers.
M: I have told you a hundred times...I don't like shopping.
W: But this is Home-freakin-Depot. I thought it would be different!
M: It's not. I hate shopping.
W: How can you hate shopping...isn't this "manly stuff" (obviously still struggling with the concept)
M: I hate shopping for everything.
W: Oh. (Thinking..."Did you hate shopping for my wedding ring?...you jerk)
The couple leaves Home Depot never to return again...at least not together. The music crescendos...orange and white Home Depot sign appears. The end.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
My Brilliant Little Man
I know I'm a left leaning liberal bordering on communist (according to some) but I have something to say about this whole AdScam thing and about the Gomery report in general. I'm glad the report was done and of course it spared Paul Martin but what nobody is saying is this...I didn't think AdScam was that big a deal. I thought it was sneaky and financially misleading but I also thought it was quite smart. I feel like nobody is taking into account the context of the times. The country was being pulled apart at the seams. Quebec was teetering on the edge of Canada and Jean Chretien was responsible for hauling them back over to solid ground. Not an easy job. So the ingenious little guy from Shawinigan finds a way to funnel money to Quebec (thus helping his party maintain it's position in the province), appear to help Quebec-Federal relations and get the money back at the end of the day. Jeez.
I think Chretien is a good man and I think he made an important comment during his "screw you all" speech following the release of the report. Because of his government we aren't counting body bags or struggling to find enough soldiers to send to Iraq. We are talking about the Ad scandal. I'm not saying that AdScam was okay, it wasn't. It was Canada's money and we should have known about it....BUT...most people don't ever know what their money is being spent on and for the most part they don't care. It's only when Joe Blow tells him to care that he's up in arms about his tax dollars. The Chretien Liberal government made a mistake. Show me a leadership that hasn't.
I think Chretien is a good man and I think he made an important comment during his "screw you all" speech following the release of the report. Because of his government we aren't counting body bags or struggling to find enough soldiers to send to Iraq. We are talking about the Ad scandal. I'm not saying that AdScam was okay, it wasn't. It was Canada's money and we should have known about it....BUT...most people don't ever know what their money is being spent on and for the most part they don't care. It's only when Joe Blow tells him to care that he's up in arms about his tax dollars. The Chretien Liberal government made a mistake. Show me a leadership that hasn't.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Bring on the Boxes
Giving my notice at the Bay was harder than it should have been. Man do I hate confrontation...that's why I make such a crappy journalist. I would rather avoid putting someone in an awkward position than ask them a though question. I never feel like it's my business even though I understand the idea of public life, the role of the media in democracy etc. Quitting was similar in that I felt guilty for leaving and afraid of what they would say. So I lied and told them I had a sick relative who needed me to take care of them. It's true in a sense, we are all related in an ethereal way to freedom and I need to take care of mine.
My last day of work is November 17th (next Thursday) and then it's all about the big move. I have been packing boxes and buying supplies like a crazy woman. I am trying not to get too excited because I still have a while to go and when I reach a certain level of anticipation I cease being reasonable and I start to get agitated. I want my new house and all the things that will come with it. Lots of space...time alone with Brian...baking in my own kitchen...decorating...house parties...all my books on a shelf.
My plan is to work full time on the house for the first few weeks after I quit. We are re-flooring and painting the entire house and of course it will need to be cleaned from top to bottom. That sounds like a full-time work to me. In a fun kind of way.
My last day of work is November 17th (next Thursday) and then it's all about the big move. I have been packing boxes and buying supplies like a crazy woman. I am trying not to get too excited because I still have a while to go and when I reach a certain level of anticipation I cease being reasonable and I start to get agitated. I want my new house and all the things that will come with it. Lots of space...time alone with Brian...baking in my own kitchen...decorating...house parties...all my books on a shelf.
My plan is to work full time on the house for the first few weeks after I quit. We are re-flooring and painting the entire house and of course it will need to be cleaned from top to bottom. That sounds like a full-time work to me. In a fun kind of way.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Gimme Some Credit...
Today I was told that I belonged to The Bay. They are annoyed that I need an hour on Sunday's to go to hip hop (don't they understand, that's my church?) and an hour on Wednesday nights to skate. Apparently having a life, even a life that is only two hours long, outside of work is unacceptable. Oh, and they want me to work Christmas and New Years. Something tells me that I won't be there very long.
Which leads me to divulge the following insider information, free to anyone who chooses to use it:
1. They don't want your money, they just want you to sign up for the credit card. That's how they make their money. You can use this to your advantage; sign up for the card, get the discount and then pay it off immediately at the till. Yes, you can do that. Then you get the money off and they never get a red cent in interest. (Which sits at a criminal 23% I might add)
2. The Bay will adjust your price for two weeks. If you buy something and it goes on sale within two weeks, you can take your receipt in and get the difference back. And guess what? That applies to Boxing Day too...go in, get your pick of styles, colours and sizes and then spend your boxing day having your sales associate work for you.
3. It's illegal to adjust prices up but the Bay does it. They cut the old price ticket out and print up a new one. If you see a gaping hole where a price should be, pretend to call your MLA or lawyer and see what happens.
So there you go...use it as you will. And tell them associate # 14351464 sent you.
Which leads me to divulge the following insider information, free to anyone who chooses to use it:
1. They don't want your money, they just want you to sign up for the credit card. That's how they make their money. You can use this to your advantage; sign up for the card, get the discount and then pay it off immediately at the till. Yes, you can do that. Then you get the money off and they never get a red cent in interest. (Which sits at a criminal 23% I might add)
2. The Bay will adjust your price for two weeks. If you buy something and it goes on sale within two weeks, you can take your receipt in and get the difference back. And guess what? That applies to Boxing Day too...go in, get your pick of styles, colours and sizes and then spend your boxing day having your sales associate work for you.
3. It's illegal to adjust prices up but the Bay does it. They cut the old price ticket out and print up a new one. If you see a gaping hole where a price should be, pretend to call your MLA or lawyer and see what happens.
So there you go...use it as you will. And tell them associate # 14351464 sent you.
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